Bad Walks into a Bar Joke—Felon and Flag-hugging Trump, Old Biden, God, and a couple of Congresswomen.
Better to be old or a felon? Trump, marriage, and God. Marjie Drama. Boebert. VPs and Biden’s failure? I didn’t say lock her up. Veepstakes. Boebert debates. Word of the Week.
Donald Trump, the convicted felon lost his New York gun permit. But if he wins the presidency, he controls the nukes?
He can’t pick up a hunting rifle, but he can drop the A-bomb on Bambi—Ronny Chieng
If Trump wants to shoot someone on Fifth Avenue he’s going to have to do it with a crossbow—Jimmy Kimmel
Stephen Colbert suggested a change to Trump’s Fifth Avenue mantra. I could still stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and I don’t know give someone a purple nerple, sack tap, tomic wedgie, and I wouldn’t lose a single vote. Hit ‘em with a rubber band.” Wet willie!”
President Biden, too old and doing a terrible job
President Biden and His Youth—Biden appeared on the cover of Time magazine. Stephen Colbert pointed out he’s courting the youth vote where the kids hang out—print media.
Biden doing a terrible job—Kimmel signaled, Georgia case’s indefinite delay, Judge Eileen Cannon’s slow-down, and the Supreme Court’s immunity decision. “If Biden is weaponizing the justice system, he’s doing a terrible job.”
Biden old age joke alert! Ronny Chieng called attention to the 80th anniversary D-Day commemoration in France. Joe Biden looks young standing next to the veterans. Biden charmed one of them, “God-willing we'll see you at the 110th anniversary.”
Jimmy Kimmel flashback. Donald “Napoleon Bonis Spur” Trump didn’t want to visit a French cemetery. Filled with fallen American soldiers aka “suckers and losers.” It was raining and he didn’t want to mess up his hair. But the “contradict head” wants to be president again.
An upside-down flag shows support for Trumpers’ orange Jesus?
Kimmel imagines Trump hawking upside-down flags. Cue the video montage.
Trump loves hugging American flags no matter where he goes. If there is a flag next to him you will be sure he is going to molest the hell out of it. “No one loves this goddamn gorgeous flag more than Donald J. Trump.” Introducing the dishwasher-safe Made in China, Trump Love Flag. Includes a FREE vibrating flagpole.
Trump and God are good. I do very well with the evangelicals. I love the evangelicals. Religion is such a great thing. You want to be good. You want to go to heaven. If you don’t have heaven . . . Why do I have to be good?
Trump on Fox and Friends—“Hillary Clinton I didn’t say lock her up.” Cue the 30-second video montage of Trump in many variations saying, lock her up! Kimmel—not one of the three stooges pushed back.
Trump Veepstakes vetting. Trump is looking for a VP to “hang” with. What would the vetting form look like? Trump would only need to ask two questions. Are you rich? And how hot is your wife?
“What’s he going to find out that’s worse than what he’s done?” Fallon points out the irony of a convicted felon running a background check.
He wishes them “Good luck! It’s like signing up to be the babysitter in The Exorcist.”
Kimmel gives kudos to Tim Scott who “has been slurping Trump’s ass since the first day.” The other candidates? “spineless, impotent, bootlicking slugs.”
Mike Pence through Jimmy Fallon had some advice for potential VPs, “run, run while you still can. Run and do not look back.” And some extra advice for Marco Rubio. “You fool. You pathetic little simp. You are wandering straight into the lion’s den. Wearing a vest made of meats.”
![Meat Meat](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F7d470862-8abe-4a60-b5a9-435d6be1619b_2500x1668.jpeg)
Seth Meyers thinks “Doug Burgum” makes a great swear word.
Marjorie Taylor Greene has a beef with Republicans. Why won’t they impeach? “Oh, but no . . . Republicans continually have their head up their ass.” Meyers “the head-in assers are still one of Trump’s most reliable voting blocs, along with chaos lovers, and people who hate him but hate paying taxes more.”
MTG argued on The Tonight Show that “Mr. Pepper isn’t a real doctor. I will not call it Doctor Pepper because it is a fake doctor created in a Chinese lab.”
We Sheeple are awake! Fudgin’ Politics believes MTG isn’t a real Representative. We shouldn’t call her Rep. Marjie Taylor Greene. She is a fake Representative created in a Russian Pepsi lab.
We love Canada Dry! And bring on the Vernors!
MTG earned the “clan mom” honor from Jimmy Kimmel. Cue her video rant montage of the hearing with Mister, not Dr. Fauci. Kimmel can’t understand how thousands voted for this “ham and a can come to life.”
We’re with you, Jimmy. We can’t figure it out either.
The Daily Show found a whole new group of brain-damaged friends. Cue MTG’s outrage on Trump’s New York trial. Chieng reminded MTG that the people who built her space lasers live in New York.
Lauren Boebert needs someone to explain. The difference between a private moment. And something that happens in the middle of a public theatre.
Word of the Week—The ALITO
A defense legal strategy where a male politician blames their wife for an offense.
Re—Sen Robert Menendez and Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito, hence the name.
Do women keep a locked closet full of gold?
Read More Substacks with Comedians—
Want more Fudgin’ Politics? Read our Medium Page
Housekeeping
Can’t find the newsletter? Check your spam folder. Mark this email address as ‘not spam.’ Check the Promotions tab, if the newsletter isn’t in your spam folder.
Full archive of our free materials, on our website
Thanks again!
Check us Out on Twitter!
You're currently a free subscriber to Fudgin’ Politics. Want the full experience? Access to all posts, plus the ability to comment. Upgrade your subscription.